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32 comment  view:32   blogger:0 view

  1. Spyder

    Hello the daily mail here.
    Today scientists have released a shocking discovery.
    Turn the page to read more!!

    Scientists have confirmed that living gives you cancer. Also we hired a astronomers but they are scientists so it must be true

  2. BlueCauliflower Clips

    Guess im fucked I have four things from the song

    I am a woman
    Left handed
    Bras
    And I like bubble baths

  3. Cameron Caws

    So you need to be an intersex, white person with eternal youth, kept in a sterile room and fed space age style cubes that hold all the nutrients you need without any cancerous food. You also need to adopt a child who lives in a different continent. That way you're not childless but you aren't around children.

  4. Shawbag 11

    u forgot keemstar

  5. Jason Land

    Oxygen causes cancer hold your breath

  6. Wikern

    Daily mail is the WebMD of newspapers

  7. xXFishBall GamezXx

    this is my phone's ringtone now

  8. Amzi x

    I like how half of them contradict eachother

  9. Moody Smoothie

    At least the mail got one thing right. When women go through menopause their risk of developing breast and ovarian cancer increases.

    https://www.mdanderson.org/publications/focused-on-health/FOH-menopause-cancer.h20-1589835.html

  10. Emily Michelle

    I've been searching for this song for 4 years and I've finally found it

  11. PC I’m not A Cop

    As a person who had cancer. This is FUCKING HILARIOUS.

  12. Emperor Jahrome

    I thought it was genetic. But could be triggered (rarely) by some of these things. I guess I was wrong the daily mail know best. Lol love Russell Howards rants. 🙂
    I never believe what im told and taught I just live, love life the best I can and prey for the best and let my instinct guide me.

  13. Molly Wolf

    Jesus he’s beefed up since this

  14. Samuel Barber

    So the Mail's come to the conclusion that nothing is safe and you will die.

  15. O K

    I'm willing to take the risk cuz I like bacon so much

  16. Aura 7

    Im fine as i live on a planet that has an atmosphere of carbon. I cannot age, i dont require sustenance and i live with nobody else. I am not a man nor a woman.

    I am an attack helicopter.

    Hell yeah.

  17. Jumbo Mumbo

    Find my new ringtone

  18. Lisa Maloy

    Age, air, alcohol, aspirin and calcium.
    Ham, honey, eggs, dogs, dieting and soup.  
    Being a woman, being a man, bubble bath, and food from cans.
    Being black, wearing bras, left-handedness, andspeedy cars.
    Oestrogen, climate change, babyfood, the menopause.
    Beef, beer, pizza, pork, cereal, and worcester sauce.
    Childlessness, children, vitamins and bacon.
    Chocolate, retirement, deoderant and facebook 

    The Mail* says that these cause cancer, but it's only rumours that they give you tumours.  
    They've got some big balls to print it,
    `Cos it's 60 pages of scary bullshit!

    * = Insert any newspaper name here!

  19. Hunty Gouk

    Lyrics:
    Age
    Air
    Alcohol
    Aspirin and
    Calcium
    Ham
    Honey
    Eggs
    Dogs
    Dieting and
    Soup
    Being a woman
    Being a man
    Bubble bath and
    Food from cans
    Being black
    Wearing bras
    Left-Handedness
    Speedy Cars
    Oestrogen
    Climate Change
    Baby Food
    The Menopause
    Beef
    Beer
    Pizza
    Pork
    Cereal and
    Worcester Sauce
    Childlessness
    Children
    Vitamins and
    Bacon
    Chocolate
    Retirement
    Deodorant and
    FACEBOOK

    The mail says that these cause cancer
    But its only rumours that they give you tumours,
    They've got some big balls to print it
    Cos its 60 pages of scary bullshit!

    thank me later, jk …

  20. Wizard 69

    Mine craft and fortnite give you cancer

  21. Kiyo- kun

    I found my ringtone and it's gonna give me cancer

  22. Mario's Life

    That can't be any more true

  23. Blake hessey

    This is one of many countless reasons Russell Howard is the best comedian

  24. Gareth Oneill

    Can we get one about how we all have to stop eating meat or else the world will end?

    What about one about how The NHS will be disbanded (any day now) as I've been reading that in left-wing tabloids for about 40 years now?

  25. Magnus Peacock

    Why do the two top comments both ave exactly 969 likes as of 8/01/18

  26. Yo yo Gang

    my friends teacher put this on

  27. Tom Lacey

    I'm gonna be singing this all day now

  28. Phoebe Vlogs

    Russel howard is so amazing, I hope he carries on being so incredibly funny because he always brightens up my day

  29. Phoebe Vlogs

    Left handed person here. Great, I'm already dying ten years earlier anyway XD

  30. Luca Connolly

    Lol

  31. Cipriano

    The Daily Mail isn't fake
    – The Daily Mail

  32. LeonM007

    We. Need. This. On. Spotify.

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